I’m 100% sure I currently have the worse luck in the world. Well, maybe just in California.
It’s weird how I keep finding myself in these situations. Girl meets boy, boy fucks girl, girl gets pregnant. Girl keeps getting pressured into having an abortion.
It’s not like I’m against it or anything, it’s just at this time of my life. And with countless people and doctors who keep saying I can’t get pregnant. I sorta feel like this is a miracle, an unwanted miracle, but a miracle.
Cliche, I know. It’s not like I planned any of this to happen or like I wanted it, but life keeps dealing me these cards. They suck.
See it wasn’t that long ago when my body was only producing zero to one egg every few months. And any little bit of google searching could tell you that’s not good.
I had a moderate infection in my Fallopian tubes after my first miscarriage that cause heavy tissue scarring. Now hormone treatment isn’t covered by my insurance, which would help with my pains and occasional bleeding but it could also help me with my fertility in the future as my doctor had told me.
Couldn’t afford it and couldn’t do it.
But now I find myself in this situation. I have this baby, a little me I guess growing in me. And I like the idea. Am I ready for a child. No.
But it’s a part of me. And the idea of ending the life of something that is a bit of me, kills me.
No pun intended.
Now I have always been pro-choice. But knowing I have this baby growing in me, I know what my choice is.
I have been through so much and stood my ground on my own. I’m ready to do this by myself.
And at this point I don’t care about the father, because I know he doesn’t care about me. And to be honest, He never really did.